Left Behind ALERT:

Mike might be a little late getting home.

I figure that out of 700, odds are that Mike and his up-skirt camera were probably snagged somewhere in the dragnet:

FOX News: 700 Busted...

Sorry, gotta cut this short.

Now where's that Darik's Boot and Nuke disk I keep handy for these occasions...

(As Mike is fond of saying, "We know each other too well...")

The Vigil

It's all been an act, a tough-guy front I put on to hide the pain. While I can get on the Internet and hide my pain behind a mask of snarky or crude comments about Mike and his travels around the world ... everyone close to me knows the truth. When Tonya found me curled up in a ball under the computer desk gently sobbing Mike's name and told me that I've been mumbling about Mike in my sleep and screaming his name during sex I knew it was time to admit the truth... I miss Mike.

So ... until Mike comes home, I've resolved to only drink English beer, and to keep this torch, The Torch of Loneliness as I call it, lit day and night as a sort of Mike-Vigil.



(And if you look closely, you can see that my apparently innate proclivity to one day destroy myself by fire still lives on: As you can see, the bamboo part of the torch on the left side of the picture burnt pretty good, and when this photo was taken, the bamboo on the back was burning pretty nicely, too. Apparently citronella-soaked bamboo is a "wick.")

I Knew it!!

When I first saw this photo of "Cabana Boy Mike" I knew that there was more to the story:



... as if two more guys were hiding just inside the doorway of Bob and Wendy's beach hut; which is why I wasn't exactly shocked when my paparazzi on the scene emailed me the below photo, taken just seconds after the one Mike posted.

Paparazzi Photo!

I grabbed this photo of Mike petting the family "cat" (or was it squirrel?) from a paparazzi friend of mine... apparently Zoe thought this photo might put the Isle in a bad light...

Fancy American Garnish...

So Mike thinks it's neat that his euro-sandwich comes with pretty little decorations? Big whoop. We have even better food here in the states!

Check out the garnish on my Texas Whopper from Burger King:



Yeah, we're livin' the high life...

What the Hell?!?

Seriously... what kind of perverted website will pop up first when you punch in search terms like this:



Those filthy-minded liberal Europeans have gotten hold of Mike!

Eric and Keith Sprung from the Slammer!

Just in time to again begin harassing Mike whilst he galivants across the English countryside, it appears that American bloggers USA Eric and USA Keith have been sprung from jail to make room for violent offenders like Paris Hilton.

"We're glad to be back out in the open... breathing free American air" said USA Keith upon being interviewed about his early release. USA Eric just asked, "Is there a strip club with Wi-Fi near here?"

USA Keith and USA Eric Indicted

The Times Online
By Frederiqe Slongswad and Agencies

Arrest warrants have been issued for American amateur bloggers USA Keith and USA Eric for flagrant violations of the “Anti-Fouling a Quaint Little Blog Act of 2006” which was recently passed by Parliament. In a statement made Thursday, Sir Michael Bichard said, “No more will these cheeky yanks cock-up perfectly wonderful blogs by British-Loving Policemen from Ohio.” SirBichard added that he would try to ensure a closer alignment between the register of sex offenders and List 69, the official blacklist of people barred from blogging in England.

“I mean really,” said Sir Bichard, “Those two seemed to delight in taking the piss out of poor Mike. Their writing is manky, and no Englishman should ever be subjected to it again.”

When asked for comment, USA Keith could only reply, “We just missed Mike, that’s all.” USA Eric; however, said, “We just wanted to stand up for a world where people think it feels icky to have cold water sprayed on their holes and where it’s ok to drink beer brewed from rice with a three inch head on it. That’s all. Was that so wrong?"

Back in the USA....

Let's see... not quite as exciting as what Mike did... but today we wiped with this: